The Cow Poop Story

"Farm living is the life for me" Who the heck came up with those lyrics?? Seriously?? Did they ever live on an actual farm??

This morning was so much fun (insert a very sarcastic voice here!).

Since it was raining, I stuck the girls in the van to drive them to the end of the driveway to wait for the bus. Picture this: I backed out of the carport, looked down to go from R to D, and looked back up RIGHT IN TO A COW'S FACE! It scared me at first, then it really pissed me off. As I drove up the driveway, I noticed that ALL BUT 2 COWS WERE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE FENCE!

I grabbed my cell and called Keenan who was with Tim at church so they could leave from there and go to the jobsite. Keenan apparently sleeps in the van while Tim is teaching seminary, and I woke him up with the panicked phone call. I told him to tell Dad that all of the cows were out and I was going to need help. He told me "I saw cows out this morning when we left and I told Dad and he said not to worry about it; leave them alone." WHAT THE HECK?? It turns out that Tim thought there were only 2 or 3 cows out....not 45.

By this time, the girls were on the bus (which showed up late!) and I drove back down the driveway to the shop to open the door for the kitten. I put the van in park, opened the door and stepped out PUTTING MY FOOT RIGHT INTO A FRESH PILE OF POOP! Fantastic. Now in addition to being upset that Tim wasn't coming home to help, I had poop on my croc. Great.

Well, it gets even better. The cows, noticing that I wasn't blocking the driveway anymore, decided that maybe they could walk up the driveway and go on a search for better pastures. YIKES. So I backed up the van and blocked the driveway. Here's another visual for you. Picture me sitting panicked in the van with all the cows mad that I blocked their exit and to get to the cattle dog, I have to walk through all the pissed off cows. Not happening.

THANK HEAVENS I got a text from Keenan at that moment that said "we're on our way". YAY!!

I very slowly drove the van towards the cows so they wouldn't start running (which NEVER helps) and they very calmly walked toward the spot they used to get out. My mom says that cows will almost always do that - walk right back to the spot where they got out to try to go back in the same way. Guess where they got out? Right through the middle of the barn. Guess what they did? They got into the feed room and somehow carried the metal can full of chicken feed out of the feed room, got the lid off and ate it all. (so now I'm going to be going to Tractor Supply to get feed sometime today. yay.)

Well, wouldn't you know, the cows didn't want to go back through the barn because they wanted to get to the winter hay storage. Bummer. So after I put the can back in the feed room and shut the door, I opened the fence to the bull pasture. I figured it wouldn't hurt to leave the fence open since all the cows were out anyway...it wasn't like any more could escape. Then I got back in the van and 'herded' them towards the pasture. Cows being cows, they went the other way towards the house.

Then Tim and Keenan pulled in - HOORAY!

Keenan started a tractor and moved it to block the opening into the barn where the cows had torn down corral panels. I parked the van and Tim and I walked the cows around the house and back into the pasture. Where they went without any complaints. I know Tim was wondering why I always have issues with putting the cows back in. Isn't it funny how they all behave so well for him??

So, for now, the cows are in instead of out. When Tyler, Ethan and Dallin get home from school, I am supposed to take PSPs, Wii controllers, and laptops until the fence is fixed in the back pasture.